Legg-Calve-Perthes and a Case of Mother Guilt

Last week when I took Aidan to get a referral for his eye exam in September, I mention to our family doctor that we should start to look into Aidan’s walk and make sure that it wasn’t a hip problem. We (Aidan, Dr. I. and me) talked about the physical changes in Aidan’s walk over the last year and problems with gross motor skills. I then got Aidan to walk for Dr. I. and she got us to go upstairs and get a set of x-rays for both hips and both knees.

I admit that while Aidan’s gait has gotten worse over the last year, that I wasn’t particularly surprised, and both Anthony and I didn’t figure there was much that could be done. This is coloured by Anthony’s experience with problems with his hips and gait. So, because of this, and the fact that Aidan hasn’t had any pain, I put off bringing him in to get checked.

I really wanted to have ammunition to use on gym teacher at Aidan’s school. This year is the first that has Aidan worrying about gym class. It has him upset after gym days. This is the year that his inability to kick a soccer goal, or pass the ball with precision, or run fast to actually get the ball from other kids became a problem. His gym teacher should have taken a look at how Aidan was moving and maybe had the sense not to make his gym classes so competitive. I knew that if I wanted to have an IEP in Gym for Aidan that I would need the ammunition.

The x-ray should have been simple, and with another child it might have been. My child almost had a panic attack because all he remembered was the x-rays and bone scans and ultrasounds when he was in the hospital when he turned seven. I calmed him down and we got the images we needed. The x-ray tech knew there was a problem, and asked about Aidan’s gait even before we took the scans. I knew that in all likelihood we would be back at the doctor’s office soon.

Yesterday I got a call from the doctor’s office. We got in today and since I had both boys with me, we started to discuss the results. Aidan started to panic a bit so, the boys waited in the waiting room and Dr. I. and I discussed what the scans showed. It turns out that Aidan has Legg-Calves_Perthes disease. This is a rare disorder (1 in 1200) that for some unknown reason cuts off the normal blood supply to the femoral head and then causes some deformity. In most cases this only happens in one of the hip joints, Aidan has problems in both hips which happens in less than 10% of cases.

I wasn’t surprised. I know that my father-in-law won’t be surprised. Anthony, wasn’t really surprised. Aidan is a little worried because from here on in we are not quite sure where this process will take us. Aidan will be going to an orthopaedic surgeon and hopefully there is something we can do to help with any damage already done and prevent more from happening.

On the other hand, Aidan was really happy to know that being a slow runner, and one who can’t kick a soccer ball is not because he doesn’t try hard enough and that he isn’t fit. He was tremendously relieved. I have the ammunition I need to get Aidan an IEP in gym.

I, on the other hand, am feeling a wee bit guilty. I knew Aidan was getting worse. I constantly tell him to hurry up. I didn’t take the time in January to take him to the doctor. Maybe we would already be through the unknowns and on our way to making things better for him if I had taken the time. But he is active, he runs, he plays, he wanted to keep up with cross-country. But, but, but . . . So, yes, I feel guilty.

 

Just Write (4) Classic Popcorn Technology

Classic Popcorn TechnologyIt is Friday afternoon and I should know better than to go to the grocery store hungry. Both boys are happy but a little antsy as they are wont to be in the grocery store just after school.

We need milk and yogurt like always, but I am really after snacks to go with the movie we will watch when we get home. When we get to the snack aisle I decide we should get popcorn for the air-popper instead of microwave bags. I am not sure why, maybe a feeling of nostalgia or of a remembered better taste, but I buy the kernels.

The boys excited to see the air-popper in action and they ask me to make popcorn as soon as we get home. Aidan is particularly excited to see this “new popcorn technology.” I laugh and point out that  it is old popcorn technology, not new.

We add popcorn into the air-popper and it has been so long since I last used the machine that I no longer remember how much popcorn to put in the popper. The kernels are in the machine and a bowl is under the spout as I plug the air-popper in. The kernels swirl around and a few minutes later they start popping.

Quinlan and Aidan have huge smiles on their faces as they watch the popcorn fly out of the spout and pile up in the stainless steel bowl. They stare at the air-popper and gasp excitedly and their smiles get bigger as the last pieces fly out at great speed.

I unplug the air-popper remembering that it was a wedding presently nearly thirteen years ago. I smile to myself as I get the bowl of popcorn ready for the boys. As I bring the bowl to the living room Aidan gives me a hug and says to me “Thank you so much for showing us this classic popcorn technology Mommy.”

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This is another installment of Just Write inspired by Heather of the EO. If you would like to join in, just click on over and just write.

 

Just Write (3) The Aidan Company

Aidan

I don’t remember when you started  The Aidan Company. I don’t remember a time when you didn’t have The Aidan Company for all the millions of ideas that go through your head. It encompasses everything from policing, toys, medical equipment, city planning, the country you are going to run and hundreds of other things that pop into your head at any given time.

I sometimes wonder at all that is going on in there. How do you keep up with all the mundane tasks like getting dressed or brushing your teeth and eating and the like. In fact it explains a lot about how you operate through the day and why it sometimes takes me so long to get your attention. It sometimes drives me crazy and I worry about how other people see my boy with all the ideas.

I am trying very hard to take the time to listen to all you ideas and I know that there are so many. I want you to start writing them down because maybe one day these ideas will save the world or make you someone who works on something that makes him really happy.

The other day when you were telling me about the Aidan Company police vehicles and the gadgets they would have to catch criminals made me worry about how black and white you see the world. I know that this is developmentally appropriate but sometimes I forget and I treat you like you have an adult sensibility and this isn’t fair. You are supposed to think like a little boy too. You are such a sensitive soul that when you talk about the bad guys and the over reaching powers your police will have I sometimes forget that most kids still see things as good and bad and that bad needs to be punished. You are a boy who needs superheros that don’t have consequences. You need to see the criminals punished.

I am sorry that I made you feel bad about what you planned for the Aidan Company. I felt bad that I made you cry  and I do not want you to give up on your ideas. You will figure out soon enough that there are powers your Aidan Company will never have. You need your imagination and maybe this imagination will lead to something beautiful. I feel bad that I can’t see in my head the inventions you talk about. I need to get you some drawing lessons so that you find a way to communicate your ideas more effectively. I want you to show the world how much you have to offer. I want to find a way to make all you dreams come true.

I worry that I am holding you back somehow. That I am not a good enough mother to find a way to help you make your dreams come true. That I find only ways to squash your dreams with my negativity. I do not want to be that mother. I want to be able to help you find ways to make things happen.  I want you to know that dreams are attainable. I want you to know that I wish you could make a machine that takes away pain. I want to find a way to help you make that dream a reality. I want to be the mother that doesn’t get frustrated when you talk about transit and the improvements you would make to the system.

Maybe that is the take away from this writing. I need to take a deep breath and take the time to listen and help you write down your ideas. Instead of making us both frustrated, take a deep breath and just start. The Aidan Company Blog, here we come.

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I am once again joining Heather of the EO and taking the time to Just Write. If you would like to join in head on over and link up.

Mosty 365: One Photo, Many Edits

In my #mostly365 project I am taking pictures everyday and I need to find the beauty in my everyday life. Sometimes I look at what I am posting on my Instagram and Facebook and I see the beauty in the boys, but I wonder if I should be including me, and if I need to start to move out of my comfort zone and move venues more often. I think that by curating what I am putting on the blog, and more often, I am seeing things in our everyday lives that are beautiful. I love the changes that come in the different seasons on the tree lined street. I love that I am starting to play with colour and filters more often again. Why shouldn’t I see art in our everyday lives?

 

Downtown Vancouver, Original Photo, no edits.

Downtown Vancouver, Original Photo, Camera+, iPhone 4, no edits.

Downtown Vancouver, Colour Filter, Pixlr-omatic

Downtown Vancouver,  Camera+, iPhone 4, Colour Filter through Pixlromatic

Downtown Vancouver, Colour Filter, Pixlromatic

Downtown Vancouver, Camera+, iPhone 4, Colour Filter through Pixlromatic

Downtown Vancouver, Colour Filter, Pixlr-omatic

Downtown Vancouver, Camera+, iPhone 4, Colour Filter through Pixlromatic

 

 

Downtown Vancouver,  Camera+, iPhone 4, Colour Filter through Pixlromatic

Downtown Vancouver, Camera+, iPhone 4, Colour Filter through Pixlromatic

Downtown Vancouver,  Camera+, iPhone 4, Colour Filter through Pixlromatic

Downtown Vancouver, Camera+, iPhone 4, Colour Filter through Pixlromatic

Downtown Vancouver,  Camera+, iPhone 4, Colour Filter through Pixlromatic

Downtown Vancouver, Camera+, iPhone 4, Colour Filter through Pixlromatic, Crossed Processed through Pixlromatic

Downtown Vancouver,  Camera+, iPhone 4, Colour Filter through Pixlromatic

Downtown Vancouver, Camera+, iPhone 4, Colour Filter through Pixlromatic, cross processed through Pixlromatic

 

 

 

 

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