I am loving my scale right now and I don’t want to be someone who loves her scale. I have tried really hard over the last few years to stop worrying about my weight and just relax into the shape I have become.
I have always had a love/hate relationship with my body. Even when I was a small size I always had curves. My stomach was not the perfect flat specimen and I have always had the boobs. I am not sure why I couldn’t be happy with my weight and shape especially looking back at pictures. I was so small. How could I have thought that I was chubby? Why did I think that I needed to lose weight? It is a question that haunts me sometimes.
In the last month I have dropped (at least according to my scale which may be wildly inaccurate) about 15 pounds. My engagement ring fits again. My pants are starting to be looser in the waist. I know that my thighs are smaller as well. But if I really think about it I am still not happy with my body. As hard as I try to be ok with it, I still don’t feel entirely in love with myself. I know that part of it is that I still have some post pregnancy issues. I need to tone up, but that takes work.
Despite it all, even if I lose more weight it will be hard for me to really feel it until I lose the breasts. I am pretty sure that Quinlan is our last baby. This means that when he stops nursing (which I don’t anticipate being anytime soon) I will seriously think about getting a reduction. I always promised myself that when I was finished having babies and feeding them that I was getting them chopped off. I still seriously think about it. Smaller bras, easier to find, less back pain. What is the downside? I guess the surgery, scars, recovery and my husband’s reaction are all things to think about.
I guess when it comes down to it I am still unsure about whether I will do it or not. At least I know I won’t be making a rash decision soon.