Weighing In

I am loving my scale right now and I don’t want to be someone who loves her scale.  I have tried really hard over the last few years to stop worrying about my weight and just relax into the shape I have become.

I have always had a love/hate relationship with my body.  Even when I was a small size I always had curves.  My stomach was not the perfect flat specimen and I have always had the boobs.  I am not sure why I couldn’t be happy with my weight and shape especially looking back at pictures.  I was so small.  How could I have thought that I was chubby?  Why did I think that I needed to lose weight?  It is a question that haunts me sometimes.

In the last month I have dropped (at least according to my scale which may be wildly inaccurate) about 15 pounds.  My engagement ring fits again.  My pants are starting to be looser in the waist.  I know that my thighs are smaller as well.  But if I really think about it I am still not happy with my body.  As hard as I try to be ok with it, I still don’t feel entirely in love with myself.  I know that part of it  is that I still have some post pregnancy issues.  I need to tone up, but that takes work.

Despite it all, even if I lose more weight it will be hard for me to really feel it until I lose the breasts.  I am pretty sure that Quinlan is our last baby.  This means that when he stops nursing (which I don’t anticipate being anytime soon) I will seriously think about getting a reduction.  I always promised myself that when I was finished having babies and feeding them that I was getting them chopped off.  I still seriously think about it. Smaller bras, easier to find, less back pain.  What is the downside?  I guess the surgery, scars, recovery and my husband’s reaction are all things to think about.

I guess when it comes down to it I am still unsure about whether I will do it or not.  At least I know I won’t be making a rash decision soon.

5 comments to Weighing In

  • I think you are an amazing woman and love that you’re so honest and open about a subject we all think about after kids.

    For the first time since I was a teen, I’m suddenly wondering the opposite. Implants. I know, crazy right? But after I stopped nursing… well I can easily stash my cell phone or a small Communist dictator in my bras now.

    It sucks not to feel like yourself. I am wondering when that part stops and I just accept my new body as my own.
    .-= Nadine´s last blog ..We Are De Same =-.

  • My Mom had a reduction. She did have nasty scars. Looked like HUGE thick earth worms! She had a choice between round or pointed. She went with pointed. And they were REALLY pointed. I’m thinking round would have looked more natural. They use your original nipples. So your nipples if big as well don’t look proportional with your smaller boob afterward, just something to consider.

    She however lost the bra strap grooves and back pain from them.

    I have curves too. Lost 60lbs in a year and then because we weren’t able to conceive, did some emotional eating..then gained a few pounds back and jsut feel crummy.

    I have changed my mind. I think. To get back on board. To STOP hurting myself and get on with the healing process of loving myself once again.

    I unlike you, always thought I was strong and skinny when I was in shape. Then, I lost it. Didn’t THINK about what I was doing and gained 100 lbs. in a matter of a couple years!!

    Time to lose another 60 lbs and regain my confidence back!

    The GI Diet works …

    If you haven’t read about it. Get the book out of the library and read it. Seriously. My aunt and uncle have been doing it since they first heard about it. And they are SO healthy and strong… almost in their 50’s and play so much tennis as well as other activities. They have SUPER amounts of energy and our machines with keeping the weight off. I did the GI Diet alone when I first started the journey and lost 40lbs in the first 4 months. NO exercise. ONLY diet.

    it works. trust me!!!
    .-= Demara´s last blog ..Corner View-Contrast =-.

  • Sister I feel exactly the same! Except I’m not sure that we’re done. I can hardly imagine what it would feel like to have this weight lifted off my chest, let alone be able to buy pretty bras!

  • Meg

    I could have written those last two paragraphs 3 years ago. I was so tempted to have the surgery before I had kids, but I really wanted to nurse. Then I vowed to do it as soon as my youngest (& *definitely* last) weaned herself and yet she’s six and I’m still on the fence…

    Good luck with your decision.

  • My sister had a reduction, nothing to do with kids, and it’s changed her life (in a good way). And no, I don’t think that’s an exaggeration. She’s also way more athletic than me. I’m on the list for a reduction actually, but it’s a long list and I’m still on the fence. I must say the thought of cheaper bras, being able to wear button-front blouses and slightly perkier “gals” is awfully appealing. Plus there’s the whole back pain thing…
    .-= Annemarie´s last blog ..common cold, go away =-.