Left Coast Mama » Me

Decadence

Gwen — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 05:54:38 +0000

Every once in a while I like to give myself a little treat, something a little decadent. Sometimes it is nothing more than a longer shower, or an Earl Grey Tea Latte from Starbucks. Today it was a cup of tea and a Harlequin novel under the covers while Quinlan slept.

I almost felt guilty about taking the time to read a book and get warm under my covers and it got me to thinking, little indulgences shouldn’t make me feel guilty they should make me feel refreshed. I have decided to make a list of indulgences that I am going to make happen try to make happen think about making happen before the new year. Some will be easy, some will be more difficult.

1. Take a long relaxing bath with a book and a glass of wine.

2. Go out for a piece of cheesecake and a cup of tea.

3. Go out to see the new Harry Potter film.

4. Go see White Christmas at the Stanley. (Tickets already bought.)

5. Buy some nice chocolate and share it with Anthony.

6. Get the third twilight movie and watch it without guilt.

7. Learn to ski with my son. (Anthony signed us up for a weekend of skiing lessons.)

8. Get the grey out of my hair.

9. Go out on a date with my husband.

10. Go out and do some more night photography.

11. Take a few minutes each day for myself.

What other indulgences should be on my list?

Mommy Guilt and Weaning

Gwen — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 05:08:17 +0000

I am ready to wean Quinlan. Quinlan on the other hand, is not.

When Aidan was a year I started giving him warm milk in a bottle and gradually slowed the nursing. He would take a bottle before bed and naps. The only time he really nursed was when he was hurt or in the middle of the night. When Quinlan was a year I tried to give him a bottle with warm milk. He did not take kindly to either the bottle or the milk. He is just starting to drink milk now at almost 20 months.

Most of the time when Quinlan wants to nurse during the day I can distract him with some other liquid. Sometimes the mommy guilt kicks in. How can I not give him something that is good for him? How can I do this without the tantrums? How can I do this without the guilt? How will I survive the guilt of going away for the weekend in two weeks? All good questions, no good answers.

Anyone?

An Ugly Day

Gwen — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 02:45:41 +0000

Today I had what I call an ugly day. Not a day in which other people are ugly to me, not a day where my surroundings are ugly, but a day where I feel ugly.

I try really hard not to take myself too seriously, and I try to ignore my weight and just wear clothes that suit my body type. Some times though I look at myself in the mirror, look at my hair with no style because I am growing it out, the spot(s) on my face, the redness of my cheeks, the puffy round face and I think my god that person is ugly. Then I cry.

When I don’t worry about my weight and just eat normally I tend to lose between 10 to 15 pounds. My clothes fall off at the waist and I start to care about whether or not I can go down another size. As soon as I start to care, take notice, my 10 to 15 pounds comes right back on. Then I end up where I am now, with a wardrobe that spans two sizes and neither fit well. I start feeling like I can never aspire to be a fashionable person because everybody knows fat people can’t be fashionable. Or well at least people with big busts and fat can’t be fashionable.

I look at some people and their blogs and tweets and while I think that it is fabulous that they are able to go down from their size 10 body, I must admit it makes me feel even worse about myself. I know that that is not the intention of these tweets and blog posts at all. They are just telling the author’s stories. They are not making judgements about how I look. They are talking about how they aren’t comfortable in the bodies they have now and how they want to change them.

I guess part of the reason I feel bad when I read these posts is that I would love to be the 165 pound girl that moved to BC 12 years ago. How can I aspire to be a 165 pound girl and have it be enough? It is ok to want to be a size 11? Should I be aspiring to be a 120 pound girl? Will it make me feel any better about myself or will I still have the same insecurities that come from having a large bust and a squishy stomach area?

Sigh. I will just chalk this up to an ugly day and go on from there. I know my husband thinks I am attractive, and my boys love me for who I am. That is a lot. Now I just need to fix my brain.

I Dream of Sleep

Gwen — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:34:27 +0000

I am coming up to the year and a half mark of little or no sleep. When I do sleep it is only a few hours at a time and let me tell you I am a woman who needs her sleep. I love sleep. I love the way it feels to wake up after a full 8 to 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I love the way it feels to have enough rem sleep. I love being able to remember even a few of my dreams, well at least for a few minutes.

I dream about being able to sleep for more than two hours at a time. I marvel at how amazing even three hours feels. I dream about not having to listen to an audiobook to get back into a sleeping patten. I dream of comfy sheets and pillows and darkened rooms and sleep, beautiful sleep.

I dream about being so well rested that it isn’t difficult to balance my other passions in life, my husband, my kids, writing. I want to have enough energy so that I am fully engaged with my kids. I want to have enough energy so that I can concentrate on more than one thing at a time, and maybe be able to articulate myself again.

I dream of so much sleep that I can discover new passions and rediscover old ones. I want to be energetic and enjoy being outside. I want to be able to take an evening class in jewelry making or photography and feel like I am giving the artistic side of my personality a chance to shine again. I want to be able to sing again. I want to feel like singing again.

I dream of a time when I am once again a woman with passions. I dream of being a better woman than I am now. I dream of sleep.

***********************

This post was inspired and written for Mabel’s Labels Blogher ’10 Contest. The premise is this: Electrical storms are going to wipe out the Internet (perhaps forever). You have one day left to write about your passions: what do you want to say to the blogosphere in 300 words or less?

The grand prize is a fully paid trip to the BlogHer conference in NY, including airfare, hotel and conference pass, and a year’s blogging contract for the Mabel’s Labels blog.

Wish me luck and sleep.

Gwen

These Boots Are Made For Walking or Coveting

Gwen — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 04:24:46 +0000

I have been on the lookout for a nice pair of mid calf boots for a while now. I know what I want, but I am having a hard time finding it. I want a bit of a heel, not too much, in a chunky heel. I want them either to be black or brown or oxblood. I want them to be leather, and the sole should be a nice rubber. I want them to fit nicely and look good. What I really want are a pair of Fluvogs with a stretched calf.

I think I want to be a Bond Girl. Can I afford to be a Bond Girl? Can I justify it? I don’t know. I have saved up money to go to Blogher and I still haven’t bought my conference ticket. I am still having a hard time justifying it. I think partially because I am a parent and I have a hard time justifying anything for myself. Plus Anthony doesn’t buy much in the way of stuff for him self. How can I spend 350 on a pair of boots if I am even entertaining going to New York this summer for a blogging conference? *1

For the blogher conference I guess the reason I am having a hard time is not because of the conference ticket. It is the plane ticket and the accommodation. I really want to go, but it also means that Anthony will be by himself with the kids and need to take a day or two off, unless we hire a babysitter.

So boots, where are we walking?

*1 I would be using my beer and popcorn money. I have no paying job at the moment. I really need people to comment and tweet my sticky post so I can even consider getting myself some Fluvogs and feel good about going to NY. Yes, this is me begging for comments.

Girl’s Night

Gwen — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 02:00:05 +0000

Last night my friend Tammy and I actually got the chance to go out and actually see a movie and go to dinner. All I can say is, I didn’t know how much I needed it. Tammy and I are both busy, but Tammy is insanely busy. Such is the life of a veterinary surgery intern. By some miracle she was able to get out of work early enough for us to go to an early show and then to dinner. A chance to watch a definite “Chick flick” and get some quality girl talk time.

We went to see 27 Dresses. All I can say was that it was a fun romantic comedy with some nice eye candy and a very “Izzy” character played by what-her-face from Grey’s Anatomy, Katherine Heigl. Not a whole lot for those of you who don’t like the romantic comedy but if you are looking for a good escape with some nice eye candy from “Cyclops” James Marsden, you could do worse than 27 Dresses. While it is totally formulaic we both enjoyed it, although I was absolutely embarrassed for them during the Benny and the Jets scene. The best thing about it though was that it was a movie out. I didn’t need a babysitter because Anthony stayed home. What do you think, a great Valentines gift eh?

Seven Things: A Meme

Gwen — Thu, 31 May 2007 00:33:14 +0000

Heidi of Three Moons tagged me the other day for a take back the me meme. I have been thinking about this one for a while so here it goes.

Seven Things I Love About Me:

I am a prompt, on-time person. (Well now only most of the time since Aidan.) I like to be on-time or early for things. If you are inviting me to something, let me know the actual time you want me to come over. I will be on time.
I am a bibliophile. I love love books, and I love that I get excited about reading. I am also an excellent reader. In case you are confused, I meant reading aloud. I love to do it and I love that I am good at it.
I have a good rapport with most people. I can talk to people about almost anything but I have a special rapport with kids and adolescents.
I have a keen eye for detail. If you don’t believe me, take a look at Left Coast Floyds and check our Geocaching stuff.
I have an interesting wit. Not everyone gets my sense of humour (except my husband, and him only most of the time) but it is quirky and entirely me.
I am a musician. I am a singer. Music makes me happy. That Aidan is singing all the time now makes me even happier.
I am a good mother. I am a good wife. I think these two things make me happiest of all. It makes me even happier because I am both these things even if not a good housekeeper. I know what my short comings are and love myself anyway.

Now, I tag

Haley-o of The Cheaty Monkey,

Ali from Cheaper Than Therapy,

Laura from I’m an Organizing Junkie

and

Kerry from Crunchy Carpets.

Enjoy the tag girls and take some time for yourself.