Question 1: Most of your book seems to be about how to change the focus of your parenting from doing things for your child to letting them do things for themselves. Why is this so hard for us as parents?

Alyson said that it is mainly because we don’t want to be out of a job. We like being needed, it is kind of a part of our Mom or Dad identity. What are we if we don’t need to be doing everything for our children? It may also be an active expression of our love. There is also the fact that we are busy people and it may seem easier just to take over and get things done a certain way. Unfortunately that is short sighted, and the short term pain will have a long term gain.

Question 2: Your chapter on allowance is very timely for us. Our son just turned 6 and we have been discussing an allowance for Aidan to begin to learn to save. We think we have figured out an amount of 6$ per week, but if Aidan saves for the toy he wants, a Lego Hogwart’s Express, it will take him about 6 months to save for it. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle just beginning an allowance and saving? Should we steer him towards something more easily attainable so he has some success with saving and spending?

Alyson is part of the BMO Smart Steps panel to help kids and parents alike in the realm of money and saving. She suggested working with Aidan to have a budget. Maybe have part of the allowance to save for smaller things that we buy him now and part to save for the big toy. This way he gets to have some early success with saving and paying for things on his own. She also suggested trying to find creative ways of helping him save for the big toy, maybe selling some of his older toys at a garage sale, or a you save half and we pay for half situation.

I really like the idea of teaching Aidan to work with a small budget. Money will become less of an abstract concept and more of a real idea if he makes some of his own budgeted purchases.

Question 3: I have a lot of mom friends who have kids between 2 and 3, mostly boys who are having issues with toilet training. Why is toilet training so difficult? There is so much pressure to have your child trained, and voices from the past saying that kids were trained earlier when we were young, and I wonder what people’s definition of toilet training is? What is normal? Is there any way to make it easier?

Here it is, the skinny on toilet training: most people have differing views on what toilet trained is. For Alyson it is having the feeling of needing to, going to the toilet, cleaning up afterwards, washing hands and going back about their business. For most parents it is not having to many accidents when they remind their child to go every couple of hours, the parent wiping and cleaning the child up.

When it comes to toilet training less is more effective. Don’t put pressure on the child, while the may be physically ready, they may not be emotionally ready. If you are not micro managing your child’s bodily habits there is less resistance from the child to work with it. The problem with schools/preschools is that there is so much pressure on the parent and child to be trained, even though they are supposed to be open to special needs. Unfortunately late toileting isn’t something that schools seem to be ready to deal with.

Most children aren’t trained until well into the end of their 3rd year, and 4 or 5 isn’t unusual. Doctors don’t get concerned until after 7. Maybe if toilet training wasn’t such a badge of honour and bragging rights, we would feel more comfortable with however long it takes.

Question 4: My eldest son is in Kindergarten and he is having issues that are getting him into trouble. He is very social and easily distracted and has a hard time going straight to activities without talking to all his friends along the way. I understand that he may be bored and not looking forward to some of the activities, but I need to help him get into less trouble at school. Is there anything I can do that can help him with this behaviour?

The short answer Alyson gave me was no, there is not a lot that I as a parent can do to help him. Its really the teacher who is with the children who is in the position to make a difference and create a teachable moment. The teacher can use community time to help all the kids work out ways to help every one in the classroom. This may be discussing at circle time how to be helpful in the classroom and not hinder others. Helping the kids to be a team player, and even if they don’t like an activity and want to socialize with their friends, their friends may not want to be distracted and want to get on with their work.

Question 5: Recently Aidan has had a problem with a child in his class. It really started to worry us when Aidan didn’t want to go on a field trip because he was worried about being in a group with this child. Even though I knew that the other child would not be part of his group, I was worried enough to talk to his teacher about it. We had one small solution and then she went on about Aidan’s distraction problems as if they were more important. Neither my husband and I were happy with the out come, and now we are having problems with school drop off. Aidan has been clingy and crying about going into school and this is really not like him, he was waving me off the second day of preschool two and a half years ago. Since it is obvious that the script “I am sorry for [blank] I will not do [blank] again, do you accept my apology? Do you want to be friends?” is not working, how do I give my son strategies for dealing with the other child?

Alyson was frank that it is not ok to be in fear. Children should not be expected to work and learn in a place of fear. There needs to be an action plan in place from the teacher. It needs to be taken seriously. Since you are the parent you are the advocate for your child, if things don’t improve, it may be drastic, but you can ask to switch classes. This is something you can control.

She also emphasized that we need to help Aidan know that he isn’t doing anything wrong. He shouldn’t be internalizing that something is wrong with him when the other boys hits him.

Question 5: What is your best piece of advice to parents dealing with kids?

Lighten up! Lighten up with yourself, the kids. We are all so intense about things that we have a do or die attitude when it comes to parenting. We punish ourselves for not being perfect parents, for not getting everything right with our kids. Take a deep breath because we are all fumbling imperfect people trying to get through life.

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I am participating in the Ain’t Misbehavin’ program by Mom Central on behalf of Wiley Publishing.  I received a copy of the book to review and gift card as a thank you for my participation.  The opinions on this blog are my own.

© 2011 Left Coast Mama | Permalink | One comment
Related: Book Talk, children, discipline, parenting.]]> http://leftcoastmama.net/2011/04/06/aint-misbehavin-the-interview/feed/ 1 http://leftcoastmama.net/2011/03/24/some-things-arent-any-easier-the-second-time/ http://leftcoastmama.net/2011/03/24/some-things-arent-any-easier-the-second-time/#comments Thu, 24 Mar 2011 20:21:10 +0000 Gwen http://leftcoastmama.net/?p=2426 . . . → Read More: Some Things Aren’t Any Easier the Second Time]]> I am well aware that Quinlan is his own little man and in a lot of ways totally different than his brother. I love that Quinlan share his brother’s sense of curiosity. I am a little less enthused that he shares Aidan’s and let’s face it, mine and Anthony’s, stubbornness and inability to do things on anyone else’s timetable.

His attachement to the soother is another blog post altogether.

With Aidan the big issues were sleep in the beginning, and toilet training. Of course Quinlan came along and there was a regression in any progress we made and I was sure that he would never be trained. One thing that was never a problem, or even a real worry with Aidan was transitioning from the crib to a bed. It happened because we needed to turn the crib into a toddler bed after part or the crib rail broke. He didn’t get out of his bed at all. He went happily to sleep and in the morning he slept late and called for one of us when he wanted to get up. It got to the point that we WANTED him to get out of bed on his own.

Quinlan is being as stubborn about the toilet training as Aidan ever was. I thought in the beginning that he would be a breeze compared to Aidan. Not so, if anything he is more stubborn. Quinlan has a sense of when he goes and he tells us right after or while he is doing his business that he wants a diaper change. He can hold for long periods of time and there are a number of nights when he wakes up dry and then REFUSES to go on the toilet. Anthony had him on the toilet one morning for almost 15 minutes before he let go. I am not sure how to proceed at this point. He doesn’t want big boy underwear and our rental carpets are bad enough without adding a toddler running around naked.

Me Play Drums By Myself!

I am not sure about  transitioning  Quinlan from the crib to a bed. I think Anthony and I are scared about what may happen, rather than what will happen. Will Quinlan be a monster to put down for a nap or to bed at night? Anthony and I are afraid to try at this point, though we really need to get a move on if we want him in a bed by the time we move, whenever that might actually be. So we are conflicted, do we change the crib to the toddler bed and go for it? Do we keep the crib as an alternative and use the bed under Aidan’s? I have no idea.

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© 2011 Left Coast Mama | Permalink | No comments
Related: Bed Time, children, milestones, Quinlan, sleep, Toddlers, Toilet Training.]]> http://leftcoastmama.net/2011/03/24/some-things-arent-any-easier-the-second-time/feed/ 0 http://leftcoastmama.net/2011/03/21/geocaching-with-kids/ http://leftcoastmama.net/2011/03/21/geocaching-with-kids/#comments Tue, 22 Mar 2011 04:40:22 +0000 Gwen http://leftcoastmama.net/?p=2386 . . . → Read More: Geocaching With Kids]]>

Caching in Pacific Spirit Park in Vancouver

Anthony and I have been geocaching since Aidan was 2 years old. Quinlan has goecached all his life. It is something that gets us out in all weather and has us exploring places we would never have found on our own. Of our almost 800 finds since we started, at least 700 of those have been with the kids.

Aidan finding a cache. He is about 3 in this picture.

So, what is geocaching you ask? Simply put, geocaching is a world wide treasure hunt that uses GPS technology to find a cache. A cache can be as simple as a small container with a log, or as unique as a fake rock. Some caches only have a log ( a place to write your caching name and date) or they can have a lot of trade-ables (little toys etc.) and some have trackable items.

The Floyd Family posing after finding 24 caches in two days. Quinlan was about 10 months old.

We started geocaching with a GPS and an account at geocaching.com. With the advent of smart phones it is much easier to get started, just get yourself the geocaching.com app and see what you can find. If this is your first time, start with caches that have lower difficulty ratings. When we first started out with our boys we would do only 1 to 1.5 difficulties and 1-2 terrain. If you have a child in a stroller stick to the 1 terrain so that you are not frustrated.

Caching with a stroller. This was the first summer we cached.

A good way to get started is to check your geocaching app around playgrounds. I swear that almost every playground in the Lower Mainland has at least a few caches close by. When Aidan was younger we would trade off a playground cache with a few woods caches.

For more information on getting a geocaching account started, how to choose a GPS, how to navigate geocaching.com check out geocaching-101.

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© 2011 Left Coast Mama | Permalink | One comment
Related: children, family, Family Time, geocaching.]]> http://leftcoastmama.net/2011/03/21/geocaching-with-kids/feed/ 1 http://leftcoastmama.net/2010/11/13/family-movie-night/ http://leftcoastmama.net/2010/11/13/family-movie-night/#comments Sun, 14 Nov 2010 05:08:50 +0000 Gwen http://leftcoastmama.net/?p=1804 . . . → Read More: Family Movie Night]]> In our quest to find movies that don’t make Aidan run screaming “I don’t want to see this movie. It scares me,”  we have tried a number of different family films over the last few weeks.  Usually if we can keep a hold of him and reassure him, Aidan will make it to he end of the movies. Sometimes he loves them and sometimes he, well, he doesn’t.

So far some thumbs up movies:

Toy Story 3 (He did have to be reassured a few times, especially at the dump.)

How to Train Your Dragon (Oddly enough he really liked this movie, and had to be reassured a lot less than usual.)

Mary Poppins (He had no trouble with this one at all. I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be.)

The Sound of Music (We haven’t watched the whole thing, but so far so good.)

The thumbs down:

Finding Nemo (He spent some time under the dining room table for this one.)

I am to the point where I think I really need to get him to watch as many kid movies as I can to desensitise him a bit. I mean if he can have a problem with Cars, a movie he has watch a dozen times, we really need to find a way to help him manage his anxiety with minor conflict.

What are your kids favourite movies? Or, what are your favourite kid movies?

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© 2010 Left Coast Mama | Permalink | No comments
Related: Aidan, children, Family Time, movie talk.]]> http://leftcoastmama.net/2010/11/13/family-movie-night/feed/ 0 http://leftcoastmama.net/2010/11/10/sometimes-the-crying-doesnt-stop/ http://leftcoastmama.net/2010/11/10/sometimes-the-crying-doesnt-stop/#comments Thu, 11 Nov 2010 05:43:50 +0000 Gwen http://leftcoastmama.net/?p=1753 . . . → Read More: Sometimes the Crying Doesn’t Stop]]>

There is nothing so frustrating as the parent of a newborn, than the crying that is so loud and just won’t stop.  On top of the sleep deprivation, hormonal stresses, breastfeeding woes and all the other baggage that goes along with parenting a newborn, a baby who cannot be comforted can be what pushes you over the edge.

With both my boys there were periods where almost everyone in the house was crying.  The babies because sometimes they just cry and are inconsolable, the siblings because their baby is crying and you aren’t paying enough attention to the sibling, and you because you are just so tired and hormonal.

There is no worse feeling in the world than hearing your baby cry and not be able to comfort them.  I know that it a biological imperative to keep the human race alive, but in the throes it puts your stomach in your throat.

I am an incredibly lucky woman, neither of my boys had colic and I had an incredible support system in my husband.  Even with that support I still sometimes found myself wanting to hide under the bed.  It is so easy to go from coping to not and it can happen in an instant.  That is why this PURPLE cap campaign is so important.  So many times it is easier to cope if you know that other people are going through the same thing.

Sometimes you do need to hide under the bed, or go for a walk.  Sometimes you need to call a friend to look after the baby while you go and get a cup of tea or take a nap.  It is not a failure to admit that this squalling infant is kicking your butt and your temper and you need to get some air and some perspective.  If you can’t call a friend or family member, putting the baby in the bassinet or crib and shutting yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes until you are calm is perfectly valid and healthy, for both you and the baby.

Remember: This too shall pass.

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The PURPLE Cap “Knit-in”

November 22, 2010 at 10:30 am

at BC Children’s Hospital

Join volunteers, moms, students and knitters for a public knit–in to raise awareness for the Period of PURPLE Crying: A New Way to Understand Your Baby’s Crying, a shaken baby prevention program.

We are amazed by the support for the PURPLE Cap campaign and hope you will join us in a celebration to sort, tag and organize the over 3,000 beautiful hand-knit caps.

These caps will be distributed to new parents in B.C.’s 50 birthing hospitals along with the Period of PURPLE Crying education and information package during the week of November 22 in celebration of National Child Day, which takes place November 20.

We need volunteers to:
• Knit bring your purple wool and knitting sticks
• Sort over 3,000 purple caps for distribution across B.C.
• Tag the caps
• Talk to media about why you got involved (if interested)

THE DETAILS

Date: Monday, November 22, 2010

Time: 10:30 am – 12:00 pm

Location: BC Children’s Hospital
Chieng Family Atrium at the Child & Family Research Institute
938 West 28th Avenue
Main Floor, Lobby Area
Vancouver, BC

There will be people and purple balloons to guide you

Parking: We hope to have parking set aside for the event

RSVP: Harriet: harriet@limelitepr.com or
Claire: cyambao@cw.bc.ca, 604-875-2000, ext. 5100

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