Left Coast Mama » blogging

Hello World, I’m Back

Gwen — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 06:36:08 +0000

In the last few days I have been extremely busy. I am not sure it is any busier than November was, but I have a lot of writing tasks upon me at the moment as well as the usual hubub of our daily life. We had school, preschool, swimming, ballet, and the last week of piano. I also managed to get to Metrotown to get nose pads for Aidan’s new glasses, a coat for me and boots for Quinlan all between the end of swimming and time for school pick up. We have also been experimenting with having Quinlan in underwear. So far, mostly good. It would be better if he were not a little bit sick. We also managed a trip to Ikea without breaking the bank too much. I did buy myself a beautiful rug that is so soft that the boys play on it as much as they can. All this and real meals, early bedtimes and putting together my December Daily book. So far it is only letters to the boys, but I have been making sure to take pictures. Now I just need to print them out.

We haven’t really decorated for Christmas yet, but we have started. The kids have their Advent calendars and I got them some cheap window clings so they could decorate the windows. I discovered we need new lights for the windows, unless we just use the tree lights that we no longer need. Come to think of it, I think that may be the best idea. The mantle is decorated, but that is only because the mantle garland is never un-decorated and therefore takes only a couple of minutes to put up when we find it. I think we will try to find enough time this busy weekend to put up the tree.

I have a couple of things that I need to write in the next couple of days and I promise to get Aidan to get his video log finished by this weekend. Just FYI Oz is selling out so if you want tickets you need to get them soon. It is a fabulous production.

How is your December so far?

Uniquely Me, Uniquely Mommy, Uniquely Gwen

Gwen — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 06:00:34 +0000

When Nadine Silverthorne put out the call for parent bloggers with a unique voice in Canada to write a post for a chance to become part of the Today’s Parent team, I struggled to see what is unique about my story as a parent and a person. I am not a parent who blogs in the north, or from a small town. I am not a parent who is single and takes care of their children by themselves, I have a committed partner who makes my life possible. I am a Maritimer in exile, living in Vancouver with no chance of ever buying a house. I like to think I am culturally rich and house poor.

I love being a parent living in Vancouver, even though I struggle with not having family near. I love that my days are full of theatre, piano, ballet. I love that my boys have a different childhood than Anthony and I had. I hate that my boys have a different childhood than Anthony and I had. I am conflicted.

I hate that we are so far away from family. I hate that my boys don’t have a chance to stay at their grandparents house for the weekend. It would be nice to be able to go out for a full night and not have pay a fortune for a babysitter, if you could find a babysitter that you would trust with your children overnight. I feel guilty that my sons don’t know my family as well as they should. I miss the big family get togethers and it makes me sad that it doesn’t happen very often because we are 6000 km away from home. I love that we have made our own family of friends here in Vancouver. I love that we have friends we can call on in an emergency. I love that despite difference our family is close and our boys feel those bonds.

I am not sure if it makes me a unique voice in Canadian parenting, but I am sure that it makes me someone other parents can relate to. There are so many parents raising children away from family. There are so many parents who have parks and culture but no backyard. There are so many parents like me.

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Want to read more? Here are a few posts I am proud to have written:

My Own Curves

Sometimes the Crying Doesn’t Stop

Talking to 5 Year Olds About Death

Post Laundry Depression

Gwen — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 23:35:31 +0000

I have a first world problem. I am totally jonesing for my iPhone. I feel a little bit twitchy. I haven’t taken an instagram in over 24 hours. I watch with jealously as my husband, who did not launder his iPhone, watches his twitter feed, or takes a picture. All because I got thrown up upon and I forgot for a minute, well 20, about my iPhone.

Tonight I am going to a tweetup without a smart phone. I am also going to a concert with Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer without a smart phone. Anthony will sound witty as he tweets during the event. I will be mute until we get home. No instagrams, or twit pics for me.

Poor Me.

A View to the Night

Gwen — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 03:22:13 +0000

Since the view from our balcony isn’t nearly as lovely right now because of the construction, I walked down the block and borrowed another. I plan to go again when there is an event so I can get some better pictures of the BC Stadium roof.

Downtown Vancouver Skyline

Light of Grouse in the Distance

BC Place Stadium

Sometimes Life Gets the Better of Me: Revisted and Revised

Gwen — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 04:05:04 +0000

I wrote this last spring and a lot of it still feels true. I think I may have some solutions or at least some ideas on how to make things a bit better.

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Sometimes I feel like a horrible mother. Sometimes I feel like a horrible person. This is one of those weeks and it is only Tuesday.

My kids are getting on my last and very frayed nerves. I love them both to death, but having both of them ignore EVERYTHING I ask of them is starting to get really old and is making me sound like a crazy woman. I hate being a mom who shouts. I hate being the mom that doesn’t want to stay after school to play because I know that it will end with at least one of the boys in tears. I hate running after Quinlan who has taken it upon himself to go running off after behaving for a few minutes and putting me off guard.

I wonder if I should try to get a job, but the thought of going back to teaching and dealing with other people’s kids makes my stomach hurt. I don’t think I will be much of a mom if I put Quinlan and Aidan in daycare and go take care of other people’s kids. I can imagine coming home and not wanting them to be anywhere near me. I am not even sure I want to get any other type of job and right now I feel like failure.

I feel guilty that Anthony works so hard and pays all our bills. I feel guilty and feel that if I could have gone back to work after Aidan was born, we might have more money toward a down payment on a dwelling of some kind. I feel guilty for wanting to go to a conference in the fall in Toronto, because it will be so expensive to do.

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As it turns out I did not go to Toronto to Blissdom Canada this fall. When we went on our trip and then had to fix the front end of the car all thoughts of getting to the conference were out of the question. The trip this summer was fantastic and we all enjoyed ourselves immensely, but it also was quite expensive so Blissdom was really dead when the car went.

This fall has been both better and worse in terms of the boys’ behaviour. They both have activities that they really enjoy and I do have things that I can take away if I need to, but it is hard to be a bad cop all the time. Quinlan is the very epitome of a three year old right now. I think his frustrating behaviour is made worse by the fact that he is trying so hard to be more like his brother. Quinlan wants to be as independent as Aidan is and he finds it frustrating not to be able to do things as well. This frustration leads to all kinds of misbehaviour and screaming. So far my solutions haven’t been working out too well, but I have hope that this is a phase that will get better. I am trying to let go of some things so that Quinlan has more control over things that don’t really matter to me and he feel less likely to scream and throw a tantrum.

I am still wavering on the job front, I am certain that I do not want to go back to teaching at this time, especially with the strike and no childcare options for either Aidan or Quinlan. There is no way that a childcare provider would bring Aidan and Quinlan to school, preschool, swimming, piano and ballet. As guilty as I feel about not working, I also feel like I am a big part of what makes our family work. I now need to take my spare time and work on getting paid for my writing. I am going to apply for a blogging grant. I am going to pitch articles to places like Vancouver Mom (I have at least two good ideas for here,) and Everything Mom. To make my freelance writing career a reality I am partnering with a friend to push myself.

The frustrating part of all this is that I still feel like a horrible mother, friend and wife. I am shouty, short tempered and my house is nowhere near as clean and uncluttered as I might like. It would be nice to not feel guilty about staying home and taking care of the kids. I think I might feel less guilty if I actually wanted to go back to work as a teacher. I still do not want to go back to trying to get on a teacher on call list. I don’t want to get calls at 5:30 am or the evening before so I can go to a class where the kids may or may not actually want to be there. I don’t want to have to learn names in a few minutes so they don’t take total advantage. I do not want to go back to work. Since I don’t want to go back to work I really should be able to keep the house better and keep ahead of meals and the like. So yes I still feel like a horrible person. I guess it is just something I still need to work on.

Meet my new computer: Wesley

Gwen — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 05:21:50 +0000

A few years ago Anthony got me the best Valentines day gift ever, my netbook Cordelia. I loved my Cordelia and she worked really well for me until she didn’t. I started having issues with her when I went to blogher in New York, luckily it was just a power cord issue, or so I thought. For the last few months it seemed like I had another power cord issue, but it was more than that. So after a lot of hemming and hawing I bought myself a 11.6 inch HP laptop.

The hardest part about getting a new laptop was trying to find a new name that fit with our home network names and until Cordelia actually dies I can’t see reusing her name. We have a Giles, Lorne (The Host, named so because the mythbox was the host and I liked the in joke) a Willow and of course a Spike. I still can’t make myself call one of our computers either Xander or Buffy, but not because I don’t like the characters. Wesley or Fred were my choices for this computer and Wesley won out.

Why Wesley? Well I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. I love Firefly and liked Dollhouse. I love Joss Whedon and his cast of writers and the smart sense of humour they bring to his shows. Wesley was one of my favourite characters and I especially like the way his character grew over the two series. He starts out as a bumbling idiot who is so full of himself to one who is calm and self assured and is incredibly smart.

Why a new computer now? Can’t I just keep using the big laptop? Well yes I guess I can, but I am trying to be more consistent in my writing and I had stopped writing while the tv was on in the background. I need to be able to write while I am out. I now have 4 hours during the week to myself. I can use that time to write, but I also want to spend that time out of the house. I do not want to be worrying about dishes or vacuuming or the like. I want to write. I want to write well. If you are reading this you may be saying, well you may want to write we but that is not what you are doing. Yes, you may be right, in fact I know that you are right, but I know that when I write more often I get better and better. This is why again for this November I am committing to NaBlaPoMo, National Blog Posting Month. If you write it will get better. Some of the stories that have been languishing in my drafts folder will get the push they need to get out of the draft and onto the blog.

Wesley get ready for some real work, you are in for a wild ride.

What Can I Do to Make the World a Better Place?

Gwen — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 02:50:21 +0000

I am constantly trying to improve myself and I try to model good, kind behaviour to my boys. I am not always so successful in this endeavour, but I try. Right now Energizer and Evergreen are trying to do the same thing by launching their “Do Something Little, Help Something Big,” initiative. Energizer is contributing $100,000 to Evergreen to help make Canadian cities more livable and they have asked people to pledge little things to help. For each pledge Energizer will donate another $1 to the initiative. All the pledges are little things like taking a shorter shower, or giving food to a food bank/shelter. I decided to take up the challenge and I am pledging 5 small acts to make life a little better.

Number 1: I pledge to donate food to a food bank. We usually do make a donation at Christmastime, but I want to do something now as well. I also want to take this a bit further and help my son’s classes find a way to make a donation to the CBC’s food bank day. Since the Greater Vancouver Food Bank can make $1 into $3 worth of spending power this is an easy way to make things go further.

Number 2: I pledge to donate my used clothes to a charity. This is easy as we have been purging the house and took 3 garbage bags full of clothes, some furniture and books to charity already. We are also going through our toys and will give those away to charity as well.

Number 3: I pledge to tell my kids that I love them more often and I will try to get rid of the frustrated shouty mom as well. Telling my kids I love them is easy, the frustrated shouty mommy part is a little more difficult. I hope that with our new routine starting next week that things will be happier for all of us, and the few hours a week to myself will give me a little bit of time to write and find myself again.`

Number 4: I pledge to walk or bike Aidan to school or from school at least 2 times a week. This may seem like a very small pledge, but we have 2 schools a few miles apart, swimming lessons on 4 days and different times, a daily nap, piano and ballet and maybe Beavers to take into account as well. I hope to get into a routine of biking with Aidan to school on Mondays and Thursdays and then biking to swimming lessons with Quinlan. Not only is this better for the environment but it should be better for my waistline.

Number 5: I pledge to do something for Carousel Theatre. I think I would like to find a way to have a small fundraiser to help at least one child this year get theatre classes or to a play for the first time. I know that Carousel has some funds to help kids in need, but there is always room for more.

What about you? Will you pledge a few things to make our world a better place?

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Disclosure – I am participating in the Energizer Canada & Evergreen “Do Something Little, Help Something Big” program by Mom Central Canada on behalf of Energizer Canada & Evergreen. I received compensation as a thank you for my participation. The opinions on this blog are my own.

Facing My Insecurities

Gwen — Fri, 13 May 2011 04:07:25 +0000

I am not sure if you know this, but I am a shy and insecure person. When I am in a setting where there are lots of people, even ones I know a little bit, I almost feel like I should blend into a wall. What if people are only being nice and just want me to go away?

Tomorrow I am going to my third year of Northern Voice. I went to New York last summer for Blogher10, and I have a ticket to Blissdom Canada 11. Why do I go to conferences if I am shy and feel like no one will like me or want me around? I have to hope that I am not the only one who feels that way. I push through the shyness and remember the friends I have because of blogging and social media and catch their eye. I think of how my life has changed because of blogging and I am grateful.

How about you? Has blogging changed your life? Am I the only one who has to push through shyness?

Ain’t Misbehavin’: A Review and Giveaway

Gwen — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 21:32:59 +0000

When Mom Central Canada gave me the opportunity to read and review Alyson Schafer’s “Ain’t Misbehavin’ Tactics for Tantrums, Meltdowns, Bedtime Blues and Other Perfectly Normal Kid Behaviours,” and interview her, I jumped at the chance. I have been reading Alyson’s blog on and off for a while and I like her easy writing style and excerpts of the book on her blog were easy to read, and easy to understand the solutions she suggests.

The book is set up so that you don’t have to read it all, though it is an enlightening read, you can just go to the parts that are relevant to your situation and read about the behaviour in a few minutes. The behaviour is described, then understanding the problem where Alyson sets out why your child might be displaying the miss-behaviour, and then a solution. Some solutions are quick and easy and others will take some time to implement, but they almost all boil down to respect for your child and letting go of some of the control/angst you have about the behaviour.

Looking through the contents of Ain’t Misbehavin’ you might be encouraged more by the fact that the behaviour that is causing you so much angst is also causing other parents angst. Sometimes just knowing that you are not alone makes it easier to release the pressure and make the problem go away. Who hasn’t worried about toilet training, sleep issues, a picky eater or a child who takes forever to get dressed? That a book has advice about something that has been driving us crazy is great.

I think the section of the book that resonated the most for me was the little section (though alluded to throughout the book) titled “Never Do For A Child What a Child Can Do For Himself.“ I am raising my hand meekly right now. I am one of those parents that get frustrated and then do for my sons what I know they are quite capable doing. I need to take a bit of time and back off. That is not to say that there are not consequences, but they are natural and logical consequences.

The letting go and respecting your child’s control over things like getting dressed, or ready for bed, is very hard. Children know how to push your buttons like no one else. Easing the pressure we feel to be perfect parents and letting our children be, we can make things easier. I am trying this with my own sons. I respect that Quinlan is not ready to get rid of the diapers and go to the toilet. I am giving Aidan a morning routine so I am not constantly trying to get him dressed and worrying about being late. It has alread helped with getting ready for bed, I tell him that I will read to him until a certain time and I won’t start until he is ready for bed. The time it takes for him to get ready has reduced dramatically.

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The contest:

Tell me why you want a copy of Alyson Schafer’s Ain’t Misbehavin‘ in the comments by Friday April 15 6pm PST.

Contest is open to Canada and the US.

I will choose the winner randomly and send the winner an email. You will have 48 hours to send me your address or I will choose another winner.

Mom Central Canada will send a copy to the lucky winner.

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I am participating in the Ain’t Misbehavin’ program by Mom Central on behalf of Wiley Publishing. I received a copy of the book to review and gift card as a thank you for my participation. The opinions on this blog are my own.

One Word

Gwen — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 04:35:13 +0000

A Blank Canvas

I have thought about what one word I want to define my year, 2011. I want this word to be one that describes what I am trying to accomplish this year.

Create: verb

*bring into existence, originate

*give rise to; produce by what one does

*give a new rank or position to

*make a fuss, grumble

Creative: adjective

*having the power or ability to create things

*showing imagination and originality

My one word is CREATE and I will attempt to create, be creative while writing, photographing and living.